6w5d scan update

So we went for our appointment and sat waiting nervously in the waiting room. Our RE came in to call the people ahead of us and said to us at the same time, "Bad news, the ultrasound machine is only working sporadically." So then we had tio wait wondering if we were going to get a scan or not. I was almost in tears thinking about it. Finally it was our turn and he called us in and said it wouldn't boot up and did we want to have a scan with the ancient machine he kept for emergencies? Of course, a scan with a crappy machine would be better than nothing. But as he was firing up the old one, suddenly his normal one sprang into life. He said, "Quick, get undressed before it dies!" so I whipped my trousers and knickers off and jumped on the table.

We still have a bub with a beating heart! He measured it at 128bpm, then a couple of minutes later at 123bpm. Apparently all good. He measured the embryo at 7w0d, then a couple of minutes later at 6w4d (the machine wasn't behaving wonderfully so it was quite a grainy image), so all good there too. He then tried to save us some pictures on a USB, but the machine chose to die right at that moment. But that's ok, the main thing is that we got to have a scan and it's all looking good!! Bubs has positioned itself in a great spot high up in my uterus. I'm on cloud nine right now. I know we're not through the danger period, but this is the furthest we have ever got, so we are stoked!

Now I still can't concentrate on work as I'm too excited! Very non-productive day workwise, but super productive in my happiness levels. :-)

Scan in 1.5 hours

I've been wishing today away, looking at my watch constantly. My scan is at 2:30pm today. I am so so nervous but also so so excited. I'm not sure how I should be feeling. We are going to be absolutely thrilled if there is a heartbeat and the measurements are ok. But completely devastated if things don't look good. I haven't been thinking about that possibility. Just trying to remain positive.

My boobs aren't really sore anymore, just a little bit every now and then. But I have been feeling queasy most days, although not badly. I find I need to eat regularly or else I feel sick. Hoping this is a good sign!

Will keep you posted...

:-)

It was a super-dooper quick scan, but that's ok because we got to see a teeny tiny heart beat! At first we could only see the sac and a bit of a blob. But after maybe 10 seconds of looking (the longest 10 seconds of my life!) he said "There it is!" Of course it immediately disappeared, probably because I suddenly had to breathe very deeply. Then he took another 20 seonds to find it again (with me trying to hold my breath and not move at all) and we could see a few pixels flashing on and off at the bottom of the sac.

I think I was in shock afterwards and I couldn't talk or I would have burst into tears as we walked down the street. Now I'm feeling pretty happy (oh these rollercoaster emotions!).

We still get another scan on Monday (on a different machine in his office, apparently better for early pregnancy scans). He said he'll measure the heart rate then and we'll get a print out of a picture of our little grain of rice.

Big Breaths!!

Eeeeeeeekkkkkk!!!!!

OMG, my RE just sent me a txt saying, "if you are anxious and would like a scan tomorrow, I'll be at the clinic at 10am. Just rock up. It's a little early but if we see a heart beat we'll all be a little happier". I guess he's been reading the nurse's notes on my freak out on Monday. Of course I'm going to go in but I'm feeling very nervous about it. What if there's no heartbeat? I know it could be too early to see a heartbeat, but if we don't see one then we're going to feel a whole lot worse. If we do see one, then we're going to feel a whole lot better. Aaaaarghhhhhh!!

And the last sentence of his txt makes me think that he is also concerned this pregnancy isn't going to be viable. Hmmmm.

Mini meltdown

So yesterday I was 5w4d, which is quite a significant milestone for me. It's the day I miscarried my first two pregnancies and also the day I had an imminent miscarriage confirmed by ultrasound for my fourth pregnancy. We did quite well in keeping our minds off it. We cleaned the house Sunday morning, then mum and dad came over for a cuppa. Afterwards we popped out to the supermarket (exciting I know). In the arvo some friends came to visit with their 5 month old baby (very cute, lots of smiling and gooing). DH was on nightshift, so he left after an early dinner and I lazed in front of the tv.

A little while later I realised my boobs had stopped hurting COMPLETELY. Two hours earlier they had definitely been hurting. I completely freaked out and stupidly consulted Dr Google (why do I do that?). Of course I came across heaps of stories when this had happened to others and it had ended up being a miscarriage. I suppose there was probably quite a few stories where things didn't end in miscarriage, but in my freaking-out state I didn't take much notice of those. When DH rang to say hi, I immediately burst into tears and hysterically told him I was no doubt about to have a miscarriage. Luckily he is much more sensible than I am and managed to calm me down enough that I could eventually go to sleep. Of course I had awful miscarriage dreams and didn't wake up refreshed at all.

Today I called into the clinic on my way to work to ask for another blood test (boobs very slightly tender but still not sore like they had been). As soon as the nurse asked me what was wrong, I immediately burst into tears (again, how embarrassing!). Of course she let me have another blood test done and also gave me a medical certificate as I was in no state to go to work. I went and got my blood drawn., The poor young bloke didn't know how to handle a shaking 36y.o. woman with puffy red eyes. He took my sample in record time and I was straight back out the door. It wasn't til I got to the car that I realised my arm was bleeding profusely and my shirt sleeve was covered in blood. It eventually stopped with a huge wad of tissues from my handbag, but I was then really glad I was going home and not to work. I would have had to go home and change before going to work anyway.

After an excrutiating wait for the phone to ring, I couldn't wait any longer and I rang the clinic at 1pm. Answering machine! I left a pathetic message and then sat and waited for the call back. It seemed to take forever, and I was imagining that the nurses were drawing straws to see who was the unlucky one who had to ring up the crazy one to tell her that her HCG levels had dropped. Finally the phone rang and I almost passed out when the nurse told me my levels were absolutely fine. I had to ask her to repeat herself! So they were 7793, up from 1263 on Wednesday. They had doubled at a rate of every 46 hours. I really was expecting the worst and it was such a shock to hear they were ok!

I hope now I can make it to my scan in six sleeps without having another meltdown. Small steps! I'm sure the last 24 hours have caused me my first grey hairs. I can't believe how stressed I let myself get.

Sore boobies make me happy!

I never thought I'd be so happy to have sore boobs. They started hurting from my trigger shot, but stopped quite suddenly at about 11dpo. For about a week, absolutely no pain at all. I kept poking to see if they hurt, but I couldn't even induce a slight twinge. Then earlier this week (after a whole week of no pain at all) they gradually started hurting again. And now they are SO painful. It's great!!!

It's about the only symptom I have, although yesterday I felt a bit "off" and weary. Today I feel normal again. It sounds ridiculous (and I'll probably regret it) but I wish I had a bit of morning sickness to make me feel pregnant. I'm going insane wondering if things are alright. I still have ten more sleeps til scan day.

Happy update!!

I'm pretty excited!! My levels today were 1263. More than tripled since my level of 343 two days ago. It was such a tense morning waiting for the results. I am feeling so relieved, although I know I have a long way to go before I can feel a bit safer yet. My levels with my ectopic were higher at this stage (1500 at 21dpo) so I certainly won't feel safe until my scan on the 29th. Twelve long days and nights to wait!!

But for now I am happy. :-)