One last post...

So much for me coming back to write about Ivy's birth and post a picture!

I think this is going to be my last post on this blog. This blog for me was about my struggle with infertility and then my emotional pregnancy, which I never really thought would end in an actual real live baby. I have now conquered my infertility (well for now) and I have a wonderful beautiful perfect baby who makes me so happy that I sometimes feel that I am just going to burst with love for her. But before I finish, I will tell you about her birth and the time since then and of course post a few pictures.

Ivy was so tiny when she was born, but absolutely perfect in every way. I didn't really realise just how tiny she was at the time, but I look back at photos now and can't believe how small she was.

I was induced on Wednesday 7th July. We arrived at the hospital early and were settled into a birthing suite. Unfortunately the maternity ward was full to the brim, so we got the "spare" room, which didn't have all the trimmings that some of the other rooms had. I was hooked up to the monitor, which constantly read Ivy's heartbeat, my heartbeat and any contractions. I was told I would have to be hooked up to this for pretty much the whole labour as small babies have a much greater chance of going into distress through contractions. An hour or so later my obstetrician arrived and checked my cervix, which was only around 1cm dilated (I had been 2cm two days before so not sure how I went backwards!). He then tried to break my waters but apparently they were like titanium (his words). So nothing happened. Half an hour later after walking around the room, my waters suddenly gave way with a pretty impressive gush. For some reason I got the hysterical giggles and just stood there laughing while standing in a pool of fluid.

It must have been about 30 minutes later that I got hooked up to the oxytocin drip, which I absolutely hated by the end of the day. My labour was not what I had hoped for as I was connected to a drip for the entire proceedings, as well as the monitor. Tubes and machines everywhere. It meant that I was pretty much confined to the bed, apart from short bouts where they unhooked me from the monitor and I got to walk around the room wheeling the drip thingy with me.

I completely lost track of time and things are now quite hazy as to when they happened and in what order (another reason why I really should have come back and written this while it was fresh in my mind). I do know that my labour was well established with regular and quite painful contractions by 11:00am. Mid afternoon my obstetrician stopped by and checked up on me and I was very disappointed to find I was only 2cm dilated after all those contractions every 2-3 minutes. I had some pethidine at some stage in the afternoon which took the edge off but it still bloody hurt a lot.

The midwife checked my cervix at around 7pm and I was only 4cm dilated. I couldn't believe it after 8 hours of painful contractions. I had another shot of pethidine. Suddenly contractions started getting a whole lot more painful (which I hadn't really thought was possible, they were already pretty severe). Now I asked for a epidural as I thought I couldn't cope with it any longer and I still had 6cm to dilate. The midwife kept saying "we'll talk about it in a minute" and eventually I realised that it must have been too late to have one. The last hour I really thought I was going to DIE. I was out of my mind with the pain and the contractions seemed to come one on top of another with no chance to recover in between. Then I felt ready to push. I think the midwife thought I still had a way to go but I was ready and when she checked, Ivy's head was there ready to come out. Suddenly she was racing around getting ready and my obstetrician came in the door about 5 minutes before she was born.

The last bit really stung, I can't imagine how painful it would be if Ivy's head had been bigger than it was. Her head came out and they told me to stop pushing (apparently she was tangled in the cord). But my body took over from my mind and the urge to push was just so great that out she came. They weren't ready and they missed catching her, but she landed safely on the bed. Then up onto my chest and all I could see where these beautiful big dark eyes and tiny little body. Her hands and feet were purple (apparently normal) and she had a bit of a conehead. But she was so beautiful. She spent the next three hours on my chest. My sister came in (she couldn't wait til the morning!) and helped me try to get Ivy to breastfeed. Not a huge amount of success there, but she did suckle for a short time.

Then Michael got to dress her while I had a shower and we moved into another room. Ivy's temperature had dropped a bit low so once we were in the new room she was placed back onto my chest for more skin-to-skin, which is the best way to warm up a cold bub. Michael immediately feel asleep on a mattress on the floor (they were so full that we had to be placed in a tiny room that just had a single instead of double bed). Ivy and I lay awake watching each other until 5am when she finally went to sleep. It was a magical night.

The next morning the paediatrician came in and decided that Ivy needed to be in the Special Care Nursery due to her very small size. The next week had lots of ups and downs as Ivy struggled to get her footing in the outside world. She had a nasal gastric tube fitted and was tube fed formula directly into her tummy through the tube every four hours. At the same time I was attempting to breastfeed her and expressing colostrum/milk. She was so tiny and just had no energy, so would fall asleep at the breast. Her mouth was so tiny that she just couldn't latch properly and it was take several attempt before she would latch well enough to have a go. Sometime she wouldn't attach at all. After 4 or 5 days she developed severe enough jaundice to warrant a day and a half under the lights. That was really horrid as she could only come out every four hours for a few minutes at a time.

After six days in the special care nursery, Ivy's tube was removed and we started bottle feeding her (as well as still trying to breastfeed). This was a bit of a compromise as she wasn't allowed home unless we continued to supplement the BF,and keep the nasal-gastric tube in at home wasn't an option. The following day we were allowed home.

I continued trying to persevere with breastfeeding, but my milk supply never came in. Every three hours I would attempt a breastfeed, then bottlefeed her any expressed breastmilk I had managed to get, then give her a bottle of formula. Then I would pump to try and get some more milk for the next feed. This process would take around 1.5hours, leaving me only 1.5hours in between feed to sleep (at night) or eat or shower of whatever. Attaching to the breast got harder and harder as Ivy realised the bottle was much easier. I rarely was able to express more than 20-30mls, a minuscule amount. It was a heartbreaking decision to make to give up my dream of breastfeeding. I am crying now as I re-live those hard weeks. When Ivy was three weeks old I gave up and Ivy became fully formula fed.

Ivy is now 3 months and 9 days old. The first 6 weeks she woke around every 2-3 hours to feed through the night, then her night feeding times gradually stretched out and for the last couple of weeks we've had more than a handful of nights where she has slept through the night. I give her a "dreamfeed" before I head to bed at night (give her a bottle without really waking her - no lights on, no nappy change, no noise) and she often sleeps though until 6:30-7:30am the next morning. I am a very lucky mummy.

She is a happy smiley baby and has just started gorgeous giggling. She rarely cries and it's only if she's hungry (if I'm not quick enough to get her bottle ready) or if she's tired. She plays quite happily with her toys in her bouncer, on the floor on a rug or in her little play gym. She loves to "chat" and loves smiling at everyone, complete strangers included. She loves bathtime and has graduated out of the baby bath this week as she's discovered how to splash! Last time she was weighed 17 days ago she was just about to hit 5kg so has more than doubled her birthweight. She started life below the 3rd percentile for weight, length and head circumference and is now sitting in the 25th percentile for all three.

I feel so so blessed to have her, I just can't imagine life without her now. DH is a wonderful daddy to her and our relationship is as strong and wonderful as ever. I'm looking forward to a wonderful bright future...

I promised pictures, but for some reason they won't upload. I'll try again tomorrow.


Five minutes old...I couldn't believe she was here!


Just a day old here, sporting her nasal gastric tube


Ivy at three months old. My gorgeous girl.

Introducing Ivy Rose

Just a quick post, but I will write a more detailed later about the birth etc.

Ivy Rose arrived at 8:31pm on Wednesday 6th July 2011. She was born vaginally after being induced. She weighed 2246g or 4lb 15oz, so she is our petite little baby. 47cm long and head circumference of 32cm. She is just beautiful and I'm completely in love with her. Will post a photo later too.

Wednesday

I'm being induced on Wednesday! Arghhhhh! Exciting and scary all at once :-)

Not great news

We went to see the obstetrician today for our 36wk checkup (I'm 36w4d) and he did his usual quick scan. But it wasn't great news. She was measuring about 4 weeks behind on his little machine. S0 we cut short the rest of the appointment and he rang and got us in for a scan at the womens ultrasound place straight away. He told us not to panic, but of course I started crying when he said I needed an ultrasound straight away. I was trying very hard not to! Anyway drove to the ultrasound place and they fitted us in after a couple of minutes wait. So tense.

The ultrasound lady was lovely. But the baby is definitely measuring behind. Her head and limbs are measuring at around 33 weeks (3 weeks behind) and her tummy at around 32 weeks (4 weeks behind). Her blood flow and heart were looking really good though. So a smaller tummy usually indicates that the placenta is not working properly and she is not getting enough nutrition. Sometime it apparently starts breaking down before it makes it to 40 weeks and this is what has probably happened. According to the ultrasound she is about 2.1kg or about 4lbs12oz. So little. The good news is that we got to (finally) confirm that she is a she (I've been worrying that she is going to turn out to be a he). Plus we got some good ultrasound photos at last...




So next step is to go into the hospital on Sunday to be hooked up and baby monitored for a little while. If I feel decreased movement over the weekend I am to go in to get checked. Then we have a follow-up appointment with the obstetrician on Monday arvo to discuss what the plan is. On the phone he said the most likely scenario is that I will be induced probably next week. Eeeeeeek! Don't feel mentally prepared for this at all, but at the same time I am very excited to have our baby out early.

Will keep you posted...

1st day of maternity leave!

Well I never ever thought I would actually be able to say "I'm on maternity leave" but it has finally come around! I was so excited not to have to get up to go to work this morning. Mind you I woke at 6:30 so not an ideal sleep in for my first official day of mat leave (esp after I didn't actually get to sleep til after 3:00). But I can have a nanna nap if I choose to!

I'll be 36 weeks tomorrow, so she is due to arrive in around four weeks. I feel very blessed that I get paid maternity leave. I feel very happy right now.

I am finding it hard to do much relaxing though. I've made a list of things I want to get done before bubs arrives and I just want to get everything crossed off ASAP. Most are chores around the house, like cleaning the windows inside and out, making curtains for the nursery cleaning out cupboards and scrubbing floors that have been left too long between washes. Housework hasn't been my No 1 priority over the last 8 months and it shows! My gorgeous DH is pretty good, he'll run the vacuum around and cook meals, but he doesn't often think to clean the bathrooms or wipe out the fridge or dust, or those kind of things. So catch up time! I'm really looking forward to having a sparkling clean house in a few weeks time (gonna take it slow!). Apart from that, planning to catch up with friends for leisurely lunches, have my cut and foils, animals to the vets for their now overdue shots, a stroll or two along the beach and hopefully a bit of lazing around reading time. I could get used to this!

Next appointment is Friday with the obstetrician. Really looking forward to a quick scan to make sure she is still cooking nicely and growing well. Then I'm onto weekly visits, alternating with the midwives, so I'll get my scan fix every 2 weeks instead of monthly. Not that there will be many more I suppose since I'm due in a month. Still feeling pretty good, except sleeping has become a bit of a non-event some nights. My hips, partcularly my right one, have become quite achey and they are worst when I am lying down. I am also like a bit of a stranded whale in bed, it takes a lot of effort and some considerable pain to roll over. DH has a quiet giggle at my expense, but you have to keep your sense of humour about it! We've finished our antenatal classes now. I still have the breastfeeding class next week. We're also going to calmbirth classes this Sunday and next, both full days. I'm hoping they will really help ease my anxiety about the upcoming birth. DH is worried it's going to be too much "hippie shit" as he puts it. But I'll try anything that might help me manage the pain and stress thanks!

Cruisin' along

Well not a whole lot to tell you about, but I just wanted to say that I am feeling so happy about this pregnancy and life right now. Last night I woke up during the night and then suddenly realised "That's right, I'm pregnant!". It was the weirdest feeling and I was so so overjoyed to remember I am pregnant. I lay in bed grinning to myself in the dark.

I had an appointment with my obstetrician yesterday and everything is looking great. Little M has turned around and is now head down, so hoping she stays that way. She's still relatively high in my uterus, but that's ok. She was measuring spot on and was madly wiggling as he measured her. She has been moving a lot and I love feeling her move, although sometimes it makes me feel a little queasy when she rolls around. I am getting less kicks and more rolling, wiggling type feelings, so I guess space is a little tight in there. I've been getting mild indigestion at night, but have been usually sleeping really well. I am really appreciating that I can sleep, I know so many other women struggle with sleep through their pregnancies. My belly is starting to get a bit painful. It's usually fine at the start of the day, but by about lunchtime I feel like I've done a few too many sit-ups and by the end of the day it is really quite sore. But it's normally ok when I'm sitting or lying, just a bit uncomfortable to stand and walk around. Overall though, I think I'm faring pretty well and I really can't complain.

Tonight is our first antenatal class...I think I'm mostly looking forward to it?

Getting closer

Well I've finally hit 30 weeks, actually now I'm, 30+5. I'm very almost into the single digit countdown. I seem to be cruising through, without any major dramas (touch wood). My belly is still not humongous, it's quite small really and I still have to tell some people that I'm pregnant as they haven't realised from just looking at me.

I've had two appointments since I last wrote, one with the obs and one with the midwife. My blood test results were all very good - no gestational diabetes and blood count was high (whatever that means). My obs did a quick scan and measured Little M's head to check how she was growing. She has fallen a little bit more behind, but he wasn't worried at all, so I'm not worrying either. She'd actually measuring 2 weeks behind if you go by my ivf dates, but only 1 week behind if you go by my 12wk and 20wk scan dates (which is The Due Date that is used). At my midwife appointment last week, my fundal height had increased since the last measurement, blood pressure was good and her heart was beating away nicely at 144bpm.

I also had to see the GP late last week because I have a lovely cold and need a medical certificate to have a sick day off work. Glad I went because it turns out I actually have an infected sinus on one side so am now on antibiotics. I also mentioned to him that my nephew has chicken pox and so then I had to have a blood test done to check I am immune. I am, so all good there.

My 3D scan was a bit disappointing after all the anticipation. Little M was facing my back, head up, kind of curled up in a ball. She had her hands and arms over her face for all of the scan except for about 4 seconds. The images were quite distorted, so we didn't get any good pics at all. I'm not sure if they were distorted because I'm overweight or for other reasons. Anyway, apart from getting crappy images, it was lovely to see her moving around, even though she just appeared as a blobby thing. This is the best picture we got and it was in the brief few seconds that she moved her arms away from her head.

My trip to Cairns went pretty well. I was dreading the flights up and back, but they weren't too bad. I normally get really bad Restless Legs Syndrome within 15 minutes of being on a plane, but weirdly I didn't get it at all for any of my flights this time. The meeting was as expected, I've come back with quite a few follow-ups to complete as usual. My friend came and picked me up on the Thursday arvo and then I spent three nights with her and her family up in the Tablelands. I can't say it was super-relaxing, as she has a 7yo, 5yo and 18mth old, all who were competing for my attention. We did get to do a bit of sight-seeing and it was lovely spending some time together. I missed my DH incredibly and spent the whole time wishing he was there with me. I hate being apart from him even for one day, pathetic I know. I'm even missing him right now, even though he is in the next room sleeping after night shift.

The big event of the past week was my Baby Shower. We decided to hold it before my mum (and dad) left for their 100 day trip to mainland Australia (they went two days ago). So we had it last Wednesday night. I've never even been to a baby shower, so I was a bit nervous. My sister organised it all, with a bit of help from my MIL. She was nervous too as she'd never been to one either and now she was organising one! I think we had about 20 people there, a big mix with a few people who didn't know many others. My dear friend tasivfer was very brave to come along, since she knew no one at all. I know it was probably very hard for her and I really appreciated having her there. I invited two friends whose husbands work with my husband. I didn't know until they turned up that they weren't talking to each other...hmmm, slightly uncomfortable (and childish?), but I didn't let it worry me.

So we played a few games (quickest/neatest cloth nappy on a teddy, longest list of baby-related words, collecting the most paperclips by claiming them off someone who said the word 'baby', recalling the most baby items on a tray) and ate and drank and of course opened the presents. To be honest, I was totally embarrassed by the number of presents I received. The table was groaning under the weight of baskets, bags and packages and it took me a fair time to unwrap them all. I had wanted to write "no presents" on the invite, but my sister and MIL wouldn't let me. I was given a great array of gifts, including teddy bears, dolls, books, puzzles, nappies, wipes, baby powder, baby lotions and potions, lamp, clothes, wraps, toys, coathangers, bath thermometer, bibs, blankets, sunscreens for the car, nail clippers, hairbrush and comb, booties, washers, beanies and socks. Totally spoilt.

Next exciting things on the horizon are starting our antenatal classes on 1 June. I'm actually looking forward to them. I have also booked in to do the Calmbirth course as well. This is because I am pretty nervous about the whole labour and birth thing and not sure how I'm going to cope. So me being me, I want to equip myself with as much info and tools as possible to use. The calmbirth classes use visualisation, relaxation and breathing techniques to help you cope with labour. Sounds a bit airy fairy, but I've had several mummies recommend it to me and I'm willing to try anything.

My other big milestone is finishing work. I have five weeks left and cannot wait to finish up. Lots to do in that five weeks though. Eeek, getting toward the exciting and nerve-wracking pointy end!