Don't I care enough?

I'm sitting here with my glass of wine and not worrying about what I've been eating or how little exercies I've done lately. I'm incredibly overweight (clinically severely obese to be precise). Why don't I care enough to actually lose some weight? I KNOW that my chances of having a baby would be increased if I actually got closer to a healthier weight. Why can't I just make myself lose weight?

I've always been overweight and I first visited weight watchers with my mum when I was 13. I lost almost 10kg and was incredibly proud of myself. A year later I'd put it all back on and a little more. Ever since then I've been yo-yo dieting and have tired just about every weight loss program there is. I've never lost enough to actually feel like it was completely worthwhile. It takes so long and then I plateau and lose all my inspiration. Now it feels like I have so much to lose that I could never possibly achieve it. My gorgeous DH says he loves me just the way I am (and he really means it I think) so not much pushing coming from there. My FS, GP and obs have all said that it wouldn't hurt to lose some weight, but they have all said they don't think my weight has contributed to my infertility issues or caused my miscarriages. I'm getting fatter every year. It has to stop!!! I don't know what to do. :-(

Next steps

As I said before, we've got no more frozen embryos left. I really hadn't thought past what would happen if we got through all our frosties and still weren't pregnant. I thought for sure that I'd be grinning my way through a pregnancy by now. But not to be, so it's back to do another "fresh" cycle.

I rang the clinic yesterday to let them know that my period had arrived. A couple of hours later one of the nurses rang back to tell me that my FS had suggested I go straight into a flare cycle, which would mean starting my injections today. But I'm just getting over a very nasty flu and now I have a chest infection, so we decided to wait another month until I am really well again. It really wasn't an easy decision to make, as both DH and I hate waiting and are both very impatient. I hate "wasting" another month, but we had to make the sensible decision.

So now I am going to concentrate on getting well again and maybe even losing a couple of kg. I haven't been this sick for a long time and have had 8 days off work with it. So I think it will take me a bit of time to recover. One thing I am really having to learn on this infertility journey is patience! Certainly not one of my strengths, but I don't have much choice.

No good

My period arrived today so this transfer of two embryos didn't work. Back to square one as they were our last frozen embryo's. Feeling very very low.