Something I sometimes think about is whether it is worse to be able to get pregnant but always miscarriage or to not be able to get pregnant at all? Don't ask me why I think about this, it's not like you get to choose what type of infertility problems you might have.
I'm a "get pregnant but always miscarriage" type of infertile. This I find is such a huge roller coaster of emotions that it is utterly exhausting. I've been pregnant four times now and each time, I get excited. I just cannot stop myself feeling a little bubble of hope that grows bigger each day. I start thinking about the due date, when I will finish work, what things we will need to buy and on it goes. I know deep down that the chances aren't good, but my internal optimist always takes over and my imagination of life with this baby kicks into gear. The first time I was pregnant there was no doubts in my mind - I was pregnant and we would have a baby in less than 9 months time. Big crash back down to earth when we lost it. Each time I've been pregnant since, the optimist in me has been a little less enthusiastic. But the elation and hope that I feel each time I see two lines on that little stick always takes me sky high...and it is a long drop back down the other side when I inevitably lose the bub.
On the other hand, how would it feel to struggle to actually even get pregnant? You wouldn't get that excitement of seeing two lines on the stick and all the dreams that go with it, so I guess the roller coaster ride wouldn't be so high? Lot's more lows though I imagine and more doubt? I don't know.
All I do know is that being infertile sucks, whichever way you have it.
I agree, it sucks both ways but perhaps slightly different emotions. I have often thought about that. I am one of the ones who has never got pregnant but I have often wondered if I would find it easier to deal with having recurrent m/c or being in the predicament I am in where I just can't even seem to conceive whatsoever. Not even a slight hope in 2 and a half years. Either way it is still the same thing though - neither of us has a baby to take home so it's really the same journey on a slightly different path. Wishing you all the best!
ReplyDeleteThere's no good choice; it all sucks!
ReplyDeleteafter meeting many women who suffer miscarriages i can never take pregnancy for granted again. a pregnancy isn't real until you have a baby to take home. here for your journey xxx anne
ReplyDeleteThis is something I've pondered too. After two years of "trying" and never conceiving, not even once, I must admit I was a tiny bit envious of women who miscarried, because "at least they could get pregnant". One cycle AF was two days late and I was convinced I was pregnant. Then it arrived and I had the fleeting thought "please let this be an early miscarriage, not my period", because at least that would mean I could get pregnant. Now that I've experienced pregnancy followed by miscarriage I no longer envy women in this situation, especially recurrent miscarriage.
ReplyDeleteI agree with TasIVFer: It all sucks.